New Tralfamadorian Zoo at Mall of America

Scott, "The Human Doing," Waves to me and my Kids. Nice Guy.

This is Scott.  He is living for a whole month in the Mall of America.   He’s lives in a glass apartment between Kemps Ice Cream and the Nestle Toll House Cookie Store on the very edge of the Nickelodeon Universe Theme Park (his bathroom is very dark glass — the orange space behind).  He would like to lose weight and live healthier.  He is live action, human marketing for Blue Cross/Blue Shield’s “do” campaign.  He eats, exercises, does some stretching, sleeping, yoga, TV watching, blogging, etc. right there in front of the many many mall goers, showing how to do it all right.

Nearby Rep

Of course, I’m all for it.  Scott has come un-stuck in time.  If it weren’t for Michelle Bachmann representing a district close to this one, I’m sure a voluptuous (and healthy) Montana Wildhack-like lady, wearing yoga pants, would be in that glass box helping Scott (and the rest of us) “do” love better.  Now is always and the woman would get pregnant and the Human DO would feed her right and provide her perfect vitamins and help her with prenatal stretching and soon she’d give birth in the new underwater world.  Her baby would swim with dolphins (in a glass pool, so we could see and cheer).

Me, the kids and Grandma, saw Rango at the Mall (surprisingly decent movie shown in very gross movie theater — sticky chairs, audience texting).  We ate at a restaurant decorated to look like continental drift rammed Tahiti into the Florida Keys (delicious).  Then we walked between Sponge Bob’s legs to get to the Tralfamadore Zoo.  Scott really did look like he was having a good time.  Being on display seemed pleasant to him (it was to Billy Pilgrim, too).

And I am not mocking this stunt even remotely.   If we all learn to eat, exercise, love, and blog, facebook and tweet well, we will feel well (Scott sits on a yoga ball).  Insurance companies should lead the way (why do they exist, otherwise?).  The Mall of America has the hallways and the high ceilings and the necessary parking (and the dolphin tanks).  We all want to be happy.  I really did like waving at Scott.  And I really like that he waved back.  I’m not even remotely kidding.

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4 Responses to “New Tralfamadorian Zoo at Mall of America”


  1. 1 matthew wiele March 26, 2011 at 11:21 am

    How can one person (Scott) be so awesome?

  2. 3 Missy March 26, 2011 at 11:31 pm

    Todd kinda knows Scott from his film work. Scott was out to dinner with a friend when we were at the mall.


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I am…

Geoff Herbach. I am the author of Stupid Fast and Nothing Special, among a bunch of other stuff. When I'm not writing, I teach writing at Minnesota State, Mankato.

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Nothing Special

I’m With Stupid

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